Google Summer of Code - The Wait

Second grade memories. Pick a flower, pluck a petal. And another. She loves me, she loves me not. 

That's the exact state of my mind right now.
I applied to BuildmLearn for Google Summer of Code '16. For the past month, every other day or so, the thought of whether I'll get in brings me back to that second grade lover state. 
For a minute, my shoulder angel tells me I'm in, I start to think of what life will be like once I get selected, of all the things I'll do. The next minute, the shoulder devil takes over and tells me, do you really think you'll make it?

It's 19:08 UTC. Results come out at 19:00 UTC. I will not check until I complete this blog. I've put email notifications on mute. This feeling inside has wasted a good number of hours of mine every week and I really need to write this down. I hear someone shouting in Gujarati in the corridor, exclaiming he got in. Even more nervous now.

The reason I know I will get in is because I've worked very, very hard for it. Very, hard. My in-semester examinations were going on then, and I spent the entire 1.5 weeks writing up this 17 page proposal. 
You can view my proposal here. I made super amazing UI mockups too. Mobile and tablet. 

The reason my shoulder devil keeps hinting I might not get selected is, my mentor hasn't written back to me in the entire duration after proposal submission. We exchanged over 20 emails prior to submission, and in the last email, he told me he'd get in touch if he needed any other details.  He didn't.
Second, from the start I knew I was choosing the wrong org. I had no choice, the other orgs' work seemed latin to me, and it'd take me time to learn what they've built. I thought brilliant mockup designs and a good articulate proposal would get me selected for BuildmLearn.
Third, it's an Indian org. Period.

19:14 UTC. Fuck. I should check now. Nervous as fuck. Fingers trembling with anxiety. What am I going to do if I get selected? Shout the fuck out loud :D Shout realllly reallllly loud. I'm going to take my roommate, my friends from A wing in the hostel, to the cafeteria and treat them to whatever they want. Everything on me :) And tomorrow, I'll feed stray dogs milk. That's something I do every now and then. Especially when I'm happy. Aaaaaand maaaaan, I'll be on top of the world! :D

19:22 UTC. If I don't. I will be very upset. I don't know what my reaction would be. I might go to the terrace and sit there for some time. I don't know.

19:28 UTC. Checking. Anxious. Constant battle.

-
19:30 UTC.  I didn't.

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